Author Topic: Clever jokes to 1000  (Read 23412 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Yeong

  • Not a bridge
  • LV12 Extreme Poster (Next: 5000)
  • ************
  • Posts: 3739
  • Rating: +278/-12
  • Survivor of Apocalypse
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #30 on: December 15, 2010, 08:33:24 pm »
look up ascii table... >:D
Sig wipe!

Offline squidgetx

  • Food.
  • CoT Emeritus
  • LV10 31337 u53r (Next: 2000)
  • *
  • Posts: 1881
  • Rating: +503/-17
  • rawr.
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #31 on: December 15, 2010, 08:37:16 pm »
bit late, but I lol'd, Deep Thought. We're covering both of those topics right now in ap calc  and ap us history lol

and of course, soon all the railroad companies were going through horizontal integration...
Code: [Select]
∫f(x)dx
« Last Edit: December 15, 2010, 08:39:05 pm by squidgetx »

Offline MRide

  • LV8 Addict (Next: 1000)
  • ********
  • Posts: 711
  • Rating: +14/-0
  • You can't see this.
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #32 on: December 15, 2010, 08:43:47 pm »
26: There was an orchestra playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a concert hall in the middle of town.  The bass players had a long rest, and decided to pop out the back door and head to the nearest bar for some drinks.  Before leaving, however, the bassists made sure to tie a string to the conductor's music so they knew when he would turn the page.  After the bass players got back drunk, the conductor saw them and immediately realized what was happening.  It was the bottom of the 9th, the score was tied, and the bases were loaded.

Offline Deep Toaster

  • So much to do, so much time, so little motivation
  • Administrator
  • LV13 Extreme Addict (Next: 9001)
  • *************
  • Posts: 8217
  • Rating: +758/-15
    • View Profile
    • ClrHome
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #33 on: December 15, 2010, 08:57:37 pm »
26: There was an orchestra playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a concert hall in the middle of town.  The bass players had a long rest, and decided to pop out the back door and head to the nearest bar for some drinks.  Before leaving, however, the bassists made sure to tie a string to the conductor's music so they knew when he would turn the page.  After the bass players got back drunk, the conductor saw them and immediately realized what was happening.  It was the bottom of the 9th, the score was tied, and the bases were loaded.

27: We captured all those basses.




Offline Happybobjr

  • James Oldiges
  • LV11 Super Veteran (Next: 3000)
  • ***********
  • Posts: 2325
  • Rating: +128/-20
  • Howdy :)
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #34 on: December 15, 2010, 09:36:37 pm »
28: when some noob is having computer trouble I usually start by looking at the computer, pretending to think hard, then say "Did you happen to press F13?"

I get so many responses.
a few "Oh, opps i did do that"
occasionally "I didn't know that could cause problems"
« Last Edit: December 15, 2010, 09:36:54 pm by happybobjr »
School: East Central High School
 
Axe: 1.0.0
TI-84 +SE  ||| OS: 2.53 MP (patched) ||| Version: "M"
TI-Nspire    |||  Lent out, and never returned
____________________________________________________________

Offline nemo

  • LV9 Veteran (Next: 1337)
  • *********
  • Posts: 1203
  • Rating: +95/-11
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #35 on: December 15, 2010, 09:43:02 pm »
25.
for java or if u know ascii numbers...

Code: [Select]
System.out.print((char)89);
System.out.print((char)111);
System.out.print((char)117);
System.out.print((char)32);
System.out.print((char)104);
System.out.print((char)97);
System.out.print((char)118);
System.out.print((char)101);
System.out.print((char)32);
System.out.print((char)108);
System.out.print((char)111);
System.out.print((char)115);
System.out.print((char)116);
System.out.print((char)32);
System.out.print((char)116);
System.out.print((char)104);
System.out.print((char)101);
System.out.print((char)32);
System.out.print((char)103);
System.out.print((char)97);
System.out.print((char)109);
System.out.print((char)101);

Code: [Select]
You have lost the game.

by the way, didn't know it was that easy to convert an integer to a char. can you go backwards like that?
edit: you can! java just got 10 times better! now if only we could do (int) false.

edit2: when you write code in java/C/C++, and you're defining data, you abuse the fact that 10 and 010 are not the same number.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2010, 09:47:38 pm by nemo »


Offline DJ Omnimaga

  • Clacualters are teh gr33t
  • CoT Emeritus
  • LV15 Omnimagician (Next: --)
  • *
  • Posts: 55943
  • Rating: +3154/-232
  • CodeWalrus founder & retired Omnimaga founder
    • View Profile
    • Dream of Omnimaga Music
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #36 on: December 15, 2010, 10:53:52 pm »
Lol funny jokes and being a SC player, I LOL'D at the SC joke. It happened for real, though, on the old SC, where island maps were common: I wanted to rush, only to discover I was on an island map. X.x

However it would be 4-pool rush, not 4-drone rush. :P I like doing that sometimes at SC, although it fails often.

Offline Yeong

  • Not a bridge
  • LV12 Extreme Poster (Next: 5000)
  • ************
  • Posts: 3739
  • Rating: +278/-12
  • Survivor of Apocalypse
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #37 on: December 16, 2010, 08:05:24 am »
Lol funny jokes and being a SC player, I LOL'D at the SC joke. It happened for real, though, on the old SC, where island maps were common: I wanted to rush, only to discover I was on an island map. X.x

However it would be 4-pool rush, not 4-drone rush. :P I like doing that sometimes at SC, although it fails often.

It's called 4-Drone rush in Korea :P
Sig wipe!

Offline holmes221b

  • LV5 Advanced (Next: 300)
  • *****
  • Posts: 282
  • Rating: +13/-1
  • RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
    • View Profile
    • My Livejournal
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #38 on: December 16, 2010, 08:43:18 am »
28: when some noob is having computer trouble I usually start by looking at the computer, pretending to think hard, then say "Did you happen to press F13?"

I get so many responses.
a few "Oh, opps i did do that"
occasionally "I didn't know that could cause problems"
I actually looked to see where my F13 key was...

Spoiler For "Projects":
Spoiler For "Because Everyone Else Is":
*Sigh*
can we keep this on topic? The topic is about what the big thing might be, NOT SEX

Offline Yeong

  • Not a bridge
  • LV12 Extreme Poster (Next: 5000)
  • ************
  • Posts: 3739
  • Rating: +278/-12
  • Survivor of Apocalypse
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #39 on: December 16, 2010, 09:11:27 am »
29: StarCraft joke 3
*Valkyrie and Wraith are flying over the Zerg Orbit*
V:Shit! Scourges are comming! OMG, Wraith, I think we'll gonna die...At least, let's die together...oh...wait...shit...YOU SUCK!!!!
*Valkyrie explodes as Wraith escapes the situation with ease with the power of cloaking*
Sig wipe!

Offline DJ Omnimaga

  • Clacualters are teh gr33t
  • CoT Emeritus
  • LV15 Omnimagician (Next: --)
  • *
  • Posts: 55943
  • Rating: +3154/-232
  • CodeWalrus founder & retired Omnimaga founder
    • View Profile
    • Dream of Omnimaga Music
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #40 on: December 16, 2010, 09:46:59 am »
Lol :P

Darn I hate cloaked units, tho. Often I feel ready to win and pwn their army, only to find out I forgot to build overseers/detectors and my entire army gets destroyed. X.x
« Last Edit: December 16, 2010, 09:47:44 am by DJ Omnimaga »

Offline Darl181

  • «Yo buddy, you still alive?»
  • CoT Emeritus
  • LV12 Extreme Poster (Next: 5000)
  • *
  • Posts: 3408
  • Rating: +305/-13
  • VGhlIEdhbWU=
    • View Profile
    • darl181.webuda.com
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #41 on: December 16, 2010, 06:47:51 pm »
30: "The 11th commandment: Don't get caught" (/quote from programming teacher)
31: IMO, the n-spire's novelty has kind of x-spired.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2010, 01:16:31 pm by Darl181 »
Vy'o'us pleorsdti thl'e gjaemue

Offline DJ Omnimaga

  • Clacualters are teh gr33t
  • CoT Emeritus
  • LV15 Omnimagician (Next: --)
  • *
  • Posts: 55943
  • Rating: +3154/-232
  • CodeWalrus founder & retired Omnimaga founder
    • View Profile
    • Dream of Omnimaga Music
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #42 on: December 17, 2010, 04:48:42 pm »
Lol nice XD.

Offline Yeong

  • Not a bridge
  • LV12 Extreme Poster (Next: 5000)
  • ************
  • Posts: 3739
  • Rating: +278/-12
  • Survivor of Apocalypse
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #43 on: December 27, 2010, 07:48:42 pm »
32: StarCraft Joke 4
*Local scientists just caught a helpless probe.
Scientist 1 : Hey! I just caught a robot! Let's trap it in the room and see what it does!
*Probe warps in the huge mystical gem
Scientist 2 : It's summoning gem! It might be trying to bribe us. Let's wait until it makes more.
*Probe warps in the weird structure
Scientist 1 : Uhh...What is the meaning of this?
*Zealot warps in
Scientist 2 : Shit....
Zealot : En Taro Adun!
*Zealot savagely slits both the scientists' head.
Sig wipe!

Offline yunhua98

  • You won't this read sentence right.
  • LV11 Super Veteran (Next: 3000)
  • ***********
  • Posts: 2718
  • Rating: +214/-12
  • Go take a dive in the River Lethe.
    • View Profile
Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #44 on: December 27, 2010, 08:25:51 pm »
33.
Q:  What did the blind boy's parents do to punish him?
A:  They rearranged the furniture.

34.
A Sailor and a Priest go to play golf.  The Sailor misses his shot.  He exclaims, "F***!  I missed!"  The priest says, "You shouldn't say that, or God will kill you."  The Sailor misses the next shot too.  Once again, he says, "F***!  I missed!"  The Priest warns him, "one more time and God will kill you."  The Sailor misses the next shot as well, "F***!  I f***ing missed!"  The Priest says, "God will surely kill you now."  Then a bolt of lightning comes and kills the priest.  A voice comes from heaven and says, "F***!  I missed!"

Spoiler For =====My Projects=====:
Minor setback due to code messing up.  On hold for Contest.
<hr>
On hold for Contest.


Spoiler For ===Staff Memberships===:






Have you seen any good news-worthy programs/events?  If so, PM me with an article to be included in the next issue of CGPN!
The Game is only a demo, the code that allows one to win hasn't been done.
To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago."
Signature Last Updated: 12/26/11
<hr>