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Author Topic: Clever jokes to 1000  (Read 23405 times)

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Offline Masinini

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #45 on: December 30, 2010, 10:01:15 pm »
35. A captain of a ship one day sees an enemy naval vessel approaching. Preparing for battle, he tells his First mate to "bring me my red shirt." The first mate does this, but confused all the while. After the battle, he asks the captain about the red shirt. the captain replies "If I was wounded, the crew wouldn't know and would keep fighting." The next week, he sees 10 enemy naval vessels approaching. Turning to the first Mate, he says "Bring me my brown pants."
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Offline qazz42

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #46 on: December 30, 2010, 10:04:19 pm »
36. Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde for the Nintendo Entertainment System. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Offline Binder News

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #47 on: December 30, 2010, 10:27:40 pm »
37) * A film of the Titanic is being made

First Mate(FM): Captian! Captian! Captian!
Captian(C): What is it First Mate?
FM: The ship, it's stinking!
Producer(P): What?! No! The ship is sinking. Take 2!

FM: Captian! Captian! Captian!
C: What is it First Mate?
FM: The ship, it's sinking!
C: What did we hit?!
FM: An icecube!

P: NO! It's an iceberg, not icecube! Take 3!

FM: Captian! Captian! Captian!
C: What is it First Mate?
FM: The ship, it's sinking!
C: What did we hit?!
FM: An iceberg!
C: Is there any good news?
FM: The donught shop down the hall is having a half-off sale.
C (to himself): Hmmmm... donughts, or ship...
C: First Mate, go get me some donughts!
FM (runs off, then trudges back looking sad): They were all out.
C: Darn. Now where were we?
FM: The ship is sinking.
Captian and First Mate: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Offline fb39ca4

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #48 on: December 31, 2010, 10:35:24 am »
I loled at 35 and 37, and also the fact that my itouch autocorrected loled to lolled.
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Offline Deep Toaster

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #49 on: February 19, 2011, 12:12:42 pm »
38: Vegeta, what does the scouter say about your mother's age?
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Offline Yeong

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #50 on: February 26, 2011, 07:48:06 pm »
38b: Vegeta, what does the scouter say about the number of your program's error?
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Offline yunhua98

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #51 on: February 27, 2011, 09:23:50 pm »
39.  The world has ended, and many people go to heaven.  God tells all the people who thought themselves ugly to get in one line, and the others to go into heaven.  God feels sorry for all the ugly people, so he promises to grant each of them one wish.  The first asks to be made beautiful, the second one asks to be even more beautiful than the first one, the third wanted to be even more beautiful than the other two.  Finally, the last person in line made his wish, "Make them all ugly again."

40. 

Funny.
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Offline PeonHero

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #52 on: February 27, 2011, 09:51:09 pm »
41.

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son::

Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son::

Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. I love you, Vinnie
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Offline jnesselr

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #53 on: February 27, 2011, 09:54:27 pm »
That's awesome!  I can't believe that worked so well.  Too bad it won't work next year.  But hey, at least his son was nice.  I hope that's a true story.
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Offline PeonHero

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #54 on: February 27, 2011, 09:56:54 pm »
lol glad you liked it
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Offline z80man

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #55 on: February 27, 2011, 10:18:47 pm »
Hopefully the son will be out on parole by next year.
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Offline PeonHero

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #56 on: February 27, 2011, 11:20:00 pm »
42. Two psychiatrists were walking down the hall.

One turns and says to the other "Hello"

The other one thinks "I wonder what he meant by that"
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Offline Deep Toaster

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #57 on: February 27, 2011, 11:46:57 pm »
42:
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Offline Yeong

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #58 on: February 28, 2011, 05:09:37 pm »
43: The old man's son was in college and the man had to pay all the tuition fee. He is even more angrier because his son won't save up his money and ask him for more every week.
One day, his son wrote the letter: "I feel really sorry about this. I am really sorry because I am asking for more money. I wish you will never receive this letter..."
And the son received the letter: "God answered your prayer! The letter never came!"
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SirCmpwn

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Re: Clever jokes to 1000
« Reply #59 on: February 28, 2011, 06:55:35 pm »
44: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide! :D
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