Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 23642 times)

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Offline Deep Toaster

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Jokes
« on: October 03, 2010, 08:11:58 pm »
Post your nerdish/geekish/calcish jokes here!




Offline FinaleTI

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2010, 08:53:04 pm »
Quote
Teacher: "You can't do spaces in HTML. If you see spaces on web pages, then they must be using java to override basic HTML. Java saved the Internet, because it removes limitations of HTML, but it's beyond the scope of this course to show you how to do it."

Quote
While working on a programming project in highschool with a friend, I mentioned to him that if he really wants to name his variables things like x, xx, and xx2, he should at least put comments saying what they're used for.

The next time I looked over his shoulder, I saw this:

int x; // x is an int

Quote
At my previous job, we were porting a UNIX system to Windows NT using Microsoft VC++. A colleague of mine, that was in the process of porting his portion of the code, came to me, looking really upset.

    * Colleague: "Hey! I hate these Microsoft guys! What a rotten compiler! It only accepts 16,384 local variables in a function!"


Spoiler For Projects:

My projects haven't been worked on in a while, so they're all on hiatus for the time being. I do hope to eventually return to them in some form or another...

Spoiler For Pokemon TI:
Axe port of Pokemon Red/Blue to the 83+/84+ family. On hold.

Spoiler For Nostalgia:
My big personal project, an original RPG about dimensional travel and a few heroes tasked with saving the world.
Coding-wise, on hold, but I am re-working the story.

Spoiler For Finale's Super Insane Tunnel Pack of Doom:
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Offline Deep Toaster

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2010, 10:04:07 pm »
Quote
The functions are sitting in a bar, chatting (how fast they go to zero at infinity etc.). Suddenly, one cries "Beware! Derivation is coming!"

All immediately hide themselves under the tables, only the exponential sits calmly on the chair.

The derivation comes in, sees a function and says "Hey, you don't fear me?"

"No, I am e to the x", says the exponential self-confidently.

"Well" replies the derivation "but who says I differentiate along x?"

Quote
Some people say the glass is half full, others say it's half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.

Quote
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?'




Offline yunhua98

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2010, 10:49:06 pm »
Quote
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?'

LOL, anyway, heres mine:

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

Little Jimmy was a chemist,
Now little Jimmy is no more,
Because what he thought was H20
Was H2SO4

What three elements combine to make a weapon?

K Ni Fe
(knife)

<end_science_jokes>

If at first you don't succeed; call it version 0.5

Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk

Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

Unix, DOS and Windows...the good, the bad and the ugly


Ok, that was a lot.  :P
Don't use alcohol when you do calculus, never drink and derive.

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The Game is only a demo, the code that allows one to win hasn't been done.
To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago."
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Offline Deep Toaster

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2010, 10:50:37 pm »
LOL THOSE ARE HILARIOUS! Especially the sci ones...
« Last Edit: October 03, 2010, 10:52:13 pm by Deep Thought »




Offline yunhua98

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2010, 10:53:06 pm »
thanks.  internet ftw!
* yunhua98 vanishes with a poof!

Spoiler For Spoiler:
404th post!

Spoiler For =====My Projects=====:
Minor setback due to code messing up.  On hold for Contest.
<hr>
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Have you seen any good news-worthy programs/events?  If so, PM me with an article to be included in the next issue of CGPN!
The Game is only a demo, the code that allows one to win hasn't been done.
To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago."
Signature Last Updated: 12/26/11
<hr>

Offline Deep Toaster

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2010, 10:56:46 pm »
What? I couldn't find anything in the spoiler.




Offline yunhua98

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2010, 11:00:13 pm »
really?  spoiler boxes are really screwing up today, it said 404th post.

Spoiler For =====My Projects=====:
Minor setback due to code messing up.  On hold for Contest.
<hr>
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Spoiler For ===Staff Memberships===:






Have you seen any good news-worthy programs/events?  If so, PM me with an article to be included in the next issue of CGPN!
The Game is only a demo, the code that allows one to win hasn't been done.
To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago."
Signature Last Updated: 12/26/11
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Offline apcalc

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #8 on: October 03, 2010, 11:01:10 pm »
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first walks up the the bartender and orders a pint of bear
The second walks up and orders a half pint
The third walks up and orders a fourth of a pint
The bartender interrupts and says "I understand" and pours two pints!


Offline Deep Toaster

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #9 on: October 03, 2010, 11:01:49 pm »
really?  spoiler boxes are really screwing up today, it said 404th post.

Exactly, 404th post ;)

ERR:NOT FOUND
« Last Edit: October 03, 2010, 11:02:05 pm by Deep Thought »




Offline yunhua98

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #10 on: October 03, 2010, 11:04:28 pm »
pint of "bear"?  ;D

lol, nice joke.  :)

more:

1-800-404-FAIL : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist
1-800-403-FAIL : Access to that subscriber was denied


@Deep Thought:  wow, I'm stupid.  XD
« Last Edit: October 03, 2010, 11:06:35 pm by yunhua98 »

Spoiler For =====My Projects=====:
Minor setback due to code messing up.  On hold for Contest.
<hr>
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Spoiler For ===Staff Memberships===:






Have you seen any good news-worthy programs/events?  If so, PM me with an article to be included in the next issue of CGPN!
The Game is only a demo, the code that allows one to win hasn't been done.
To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago."
Signature Last Updated: 12/26/11
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Offline DJ Omnimaga

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2010, 11:05:30 pm »
Spoiler For Spoiler:
Error 500 - Internal server error

An internal server error has occured!
Please try again later.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2010, 09:17:10 pm by DJ Omnimaga »

Offline Deep Toaster

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #12 on: October 03, 2010, 11:05:36 pm »
more:

1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist
1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied

Um, missing final four digits?

EDIT: DJ ... You should make that an OmnomIRC easter egg...
« Last Edit: October 03, 2010, 11:06:32 pm by Deep Thought »




Offline yunhua98

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #13 on: October 03, 2010, 11:06:54 pm »
oops, edited.

Spoiler For =====My Projects=====:
Minor setback due to code messing up.  On hold for Contest.
<hr>
On hold for Contest.


Spoiler For ===Staff Memberships===:






Have you seen any good news-worthy programs/events?  If so, PM me with an article to be included in the next issue of CGPN!
The Game is only a demo, the code that allows one to win hasn't been done.
To paraphrase Oedipus, Hamlet, Lear, and all those guys, "I wish I had known this some time ago."
Signature Last Updated: 12/26/11
<hr>

Offline ztrumpet

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #14 on: October 03, 2010, 11:08:21 pm »
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first walks up the the bartender and orders a pint of bear
The second walks up and orders a half pint
The third walks up and orders a fourth of a pint
The bartender interrupts and says "I understand" and pours two pints!
No, no, no, NO!  The bartender is wrong!  Two pints is not the correct answer; he must pour a fraction less than two pints that may or may not be subjected to a floating point rounding error that makes 1.999999999999999999999999999999999...  = 2. :P