Once upon a time, circa 2006, a budding programmer picked up a TI-83+. He joined some forums to find likeminded folks and knowledge. That search led him to Omnimaga, where he found not only likeminded people, but a whole community and friends. Also knowledge. Tons of it.
This young man was plagued by mental problems, and despite medication had numerous issues coping with the stress of living. As time drew on the weight of his world began to take a toll on a failing psyche. Things went bad for him. Very, very bad.
As a child he was lonely. His parents divorced early in his life and his father retained custody of him and his sister. Growing up without a mother, with a workaholic father and an apathetic sister this child felt cast aside. A period of constant moving ensued and the child grew into a weirdo loner unable to make or keep friends. When he was 16 his father cast him out to live with a relative and her husband. Things started smoothly but soon deteriorated into constant bullying and began a trend of deep depression and self-loathing. Soon the lies he told his hosts about the situation came to light and the formerly loving, caring hosts turned on him. They threatened him with beatings and one day delivered. The next day he was pulled out of school and driven to the airport to be sent off elsewhere, never to be their problem again.
He found himself aboard a plane to his mother’s home state. Four hours after arriving and crying, his mother was contacted and came to get him. He entered high school, and found a calculator. You know the rest of this chapter.
A few years go by. He leaves high school to Job Corps cos his mother couldn’t stand him anymore. He graduates and returns to his mother’s apartment. One fateful day in the IRC channel he spews forth some truly hateful speech about a new member, whom he brought in. The ban hammer hit hard. This, it turned out, was a major blow to him. A rejection from the only place he felt home. Subsequent attempts to engage with other humans were marred by the damage he’d done to himself that day. No faith in himself, no confidence, and no hope for himself, he swallowed a month’s worth of sleeping pills.
He woke up. He got kicked out of his mother’s place and began 5 years of homelessness. He drifted around a while, never finding any stability. The love he found was often short lived. Friends came and went. He found someone he would have married. He had a beautiful little girl with her. When she became emotionally abusive he ran. He broke contact with everyone and everything he loved.
He found himself with another paramour. Her previous boyfriend was abusing her and one day while he was there, the boyfriend hit her bad. He called the cops and they took the boyfriend to jail. He found himself caring for their two children, a one year old girl Serenity, and a four year old boy Samuel. He loved those children so very much. Understanding the hell she’d been through, he allowed her to take as long as she needed to recover while he did everything. She soon began to take advantage. She grew emotionally and mentally abusive. He began to drink to blackout daily after putting the children to bed. Then he began taking DXM, beginning an addiction. Luckily he got in contact with an acquaintance looking for a roomie.
He moved away from his problems again. He began living with his newfound friend, becoming a caretaker to him. His friend was similarly mentally bedeviled, diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety, ultimately becoming agoraphobic. Close to a decade later, he is still living (cleanly) with said friend, now brother. They just recently got kicked out of their apartment and are now living in the basement of some friends they made on Xbox. Life is still hard and not looking to get any better but infinitely better than it has been in a very long time.
My name is Loki, and this is my story. Maybe you remember me. Maybe you wondered what happened to me. Maybe you cared. This is for you. I love you all, and I’m sorry.
