So, I had to write a paragraph on what I thought evil was. It will be graded on a very strict scale. I just need to know, if it sounds alright, and maybe do some mild proof reading? thanks in advance guys :p

Bobby King
8/23/10
Block 3
Evil Paragraph

   Actions become evil when one does them to intentionally harm another. One could also be considered evil when trying to instill fear into a person. An evil person knows what they are doing is wrong, knows the consequences, but they do not care about them. Evil can also be brought into the realm of one’s morality. Depending upon what a person believes is right, anyone, or anything for that matter, can potentially be evil that threatens their right or good, if you will. During the Holocaust, the Nazi’s were doing what they thought was good, but to the rest of the world, this was an evil act. Evil could be summed up as a negative action to cause an even more negative reaction, all for the benefit of one’s self. Although, that is not always the case, sometimes there is no benefit, and the person does it solely because they want to do whatever they please, whether that is to kill someone, or rape another. As far as people being born evil, I believe that evil comes from the way one is raised. There could have been a horrible experience in one’s childhood, thus causing them to lose a grip on reality and slip into the world of evil, where all they know are negative things, and everything they do goes through their mind, but they ignore it anyways. In conclusion, evil is an element that isn’t controlled by a person, but unfortunately if one becomes evil it is hard to make them become good.

Please read it aloud.
Don't mean to criticize/patronize, but it looks quite boring due to lack of sentence structure variety.
Also, don't repeat "evil", find more words to replace it so that you don't sound repetitive.

Depending on how your paragraph is being graded (and possibly the topic), it may be better to try and avoid using any 1st/2nd person words, including I, me, my, we, you.

Repeating it 10-20 times looks/sounds boring.
Instead, I recommend trying some of these substitute words.
http://thesaurus.com/browse/evil

Depending on how your paragraph is being graded (and possibly the topic), it may be better to try and avoid using any 1st/2nd person words, including I, me, my, we, you.

This is true for a formal essay, but he is supposed to give his direct opinion on the subject.  From what I have been taught by an english teacher who would kill you if you used one of these words once in a formal essay, it is ok to use a personal pronoun in this less formal paragraph stating an opinion.

i tried to write the exact same thing, but with better sentence structures and slightly smoother transitions.

An evil action is one performed with the intention of harming another human being, be it physical harm or even psychological. People who carry out such actions know full well what the consequences will be beforehand, but do them regardless because they lack any sense of empathy. In addition to societal conduct, evil is often defined by one's personal system of morality. These beliefs can, dependent upon the person, designate nearly any object or action as being evil in nature, quite often including even the things that other belief systems view as good. During WWII, for example, the Nazi party in Germany believed they were justified in actions that the rest of the world finds horrifying(Hitler ftw! i dont think i've been through a single week of class discussion without him, stalin, or one of that crew being mentioned at some point). Evil actions can also be described as being egotistical and destructive in nature. However, this is not always the case, as can be seen in actions which offer no direct benefit such as murder or rape(no benefit?! There definitely is... ). I believe that people do not tend towards evil actions from birth, but rather are raised in environments which promote such actions. Perhaps, for instance, the evildoer was led to that state by a traumatic experience in his childhood which caused him to lose his grip on reality. If he can not come to terms with what has happened in the past his actions in the present could easily lose importance and relation to other humans completely impossible. Evildoers are very often the way they are because of outside influences and other variables which are beyond their control. However, once they take root such systems of thought are very difficult to extricate.(never use 'in conclusion')

altogether, i think the general ideas are decent, but you lack coherence. try to add in some transition sentences to relate your ideas to one another, expand your vocabulary, and just try to make it more exciting to read all around. oh, and instil has one l btw's =D
i wish you well, good sir

p.s. you live in phoenix?!!! WHERABOUTS? im in poor man's ahwatukee

Wow didn't knew there was another city called with a similar name. Again, I heard there was another Montreal city somewhere in the world. Also there's one Sidney in Canada and Australia. Some people in vacations sometimes messed up and accidentally went to the canadian city instead of the one in Australia.

Yeah, true, especially when you pay a lot of money for it. That said, in some occasions, they actually enjoyed it, since it was different. But still...

The thing I dislike about Canada are takes and the fact everything's more expensive, though (except maybe rents). A TI-84+ over here is $149.