It's a long story of how I actually got convinced to do something i dislike as much as I do (writing) for such a long thing with no real purpose, but I've kinda gotten into writing this story =P I just thought I'd shre the first bit of progress I've made so far because I'm kind of enjoying and liking this O_o Without further ado...
**Note- it lost a lot of the formatting and whatnot, if you want to see it better cause i'm to lazy to add it all in, download the .odt below. And yes, I DO know what paragraphs are, i just have no idea how to use them ;P
The Adventures of Time-O-Freeze-O Man
Written for one B. E. W., you made this all happen
– Prologue –
“Where introductions are made”
In the beginning, the was the void. Then the world was created out of it, along with everything that needed to be there. That whole deal puttered along for a long time, having some fun and plenty of problems. Then, finally at the peak of everything, came Luadon. Now, don't be confused, Luadon wasn't anywhere close to being the pinnacle of humanity, he just had the misfortune of being born into this time period. I say misfortune, because while the rest of the world was off getting drunk off how how dang awesome the human race was, he sat alone at home, wondering what all the hubbub was about. Which is how he happened to be sitting there, at his desk, in his room, when the greatest idea of all time presented itself to him. It really is a shame, because if he was a tad bit more intelligent, or resourceful, or outgoing, or didn't literally spend every waking moment cowering in his home, this idea on it's own could have changed the fate of EVERYONE. Humans could have been out partying among the stars, or really anywhere really, for eternity, instead of dying along with their planet in a few more millions of years. Sadly, Luadon was none of those things, and when this idea struck him, instead of spreading it for mutual greatness, he instead jumped and and started dancing wildly around his room. He might have also occasionally clucked like a chicken, but he wouldn't want me to be telling you that. The idea was so powerful, when he grasped the even the slightest part of it, he screamed like a maniac "I AM GOD!!!" Now, if his neighbors had heard this, they would have for sure assumed he had snapped and instantly called the police, but they were off partying with the rest of everyone who was a person, so they won't come into this story. Luadon, on the other hand, is the main character, so we need to stay on track, and being on track means I have to tell you the next part. I really don't want to because of how sad it is, but it is my duty as the relator of this story. The easiest way to grasp the idea that was imbued upon him was how wishes worked. And it was such a complete understanding that he could instantly do anything he wanted with them. As he realized this, he tried it, he wished for an apple, then granted his own wish, watching as an apple materialized in his own palm. Now, once again, if Luadon were your normal people, who were instead out living life in the greatest way possible, he would have changed the world, but no. Of course not. He just couldn't be, could he? Instead, he gave himself complete dominion over time, in such a ridiculous fashion that anyone watching would have immediately realized that the god complex had completely gone to his head. But once again, there was still no one watching, because every sane person... Okay we're done beating that dead horse as of now. Instead, we shall beat Luadon's in for then proceeding to rewind time 10000 years, to a period of time when such a glorious and perfect idea could not possibly exist, which any NORMAL person would have realized. But nope, he went and wasted that idea by going somewhere the idea could not. And when he realized this, it was too late. For as complete as your control of time may be, you cannot everevereverever go forward in time. And so we go to him now as he enters the 21st century, and we will watch as he attempts to... Hell, who even knows what he will try to do, the workings of his mind are far beyond me. Oh, quickly, quiet, here he comes now! Let us observe...
– Chapter One –
“Where stuff starts to happen”
Luadon came strolling down the street, casually as any other average Joe you might find of the street, except for one aspect. He was completely naked. Now, while in the one-hundred-and-second century, they might have realized just how silly tightly wrapping yourself in cloth really is, here in the twenty first, no such epitome had occurred. So when I say casually strolling, I am talking only about him, not the innocent observers around him who were very much anything but casual. Most were screaming out to call a police officer, but the one who we are acutely concerned with is a business man named Frank. Frank Gooternie too be exact. But most of his friends just called him Gooney. I mean, of the three friends he had (acquaintances, to be more exact), two called him Gooney as an inside joke, which we will count as technically the majority. Any more than this, he didn't have time for, the status of the accounts he was in control of at the finance firm were much to delicate and important to warrant free time. Which is why, when on his morning walk to work he saw this naked idiot causing a disturbance in the way of his path to the ever important work, he was not pleased. Not pleased at all. In fact, he was so displeased, that he decided the only logical course of action was to show this moron why you do not cause a scene in the middle of the street, in the middle of Denver, and most importantly, in his path. Gooney (I'm one of those two in on the joke, it's a long story) started shoving his way through forming crowd, wondering why so many people were gathering, and why the police still had not been called with how many people were demanding it. He finally reached the middle, and upon achieving this miraculously feat, he strode right over to Luadon, who still seemed pretty oblivious to everything going on around him, and punched him square in the face with all the power he had developed from all the typing he did, wishing with all his being that he could truly destroy him. Okay, so it wasn't very powerful, actually, in fact, in may have very been one one the most pathetic punches in all of history, but I don't have a reference guide to punches on me to check, I really need to remember to finally buy one. But the important part was not the really-quite-sad attempt he made at physically harming the intrusion to his carefully crafted world, but the wish he made when his fist contacted Luadon. Yes yes, I know I said said such marvelous ideas cannot work in a time such as this, but there was still barely a residue of it hanging on Luadon's being, not enough to make the wish of death come true, but just barely enough to unlock a bit of potential Gooney had towards that end. Well, little to the true possibility of the original idea, but still enough to jolt him into the air, and make some intense lights come out of him for a good few seconds. Luadon's attention was finally brought to the real world with the feeling on his face, and upon noticing the light show above him, decided to make a break for it, before something else happened in this crazy world he had stepped into. The crowd didn't care, they now had a new distraction to feast upon. And what a distraction it was! Although he had stopped shining, Gooney had started spinning around wildly while still remaining suspended ten feet in the air. Then in an instant it was all over, he was back on the ground, sprawled out, looking for all intents and purposes completely dead, the crowd around him similarly silent. Awkward moments passed while no one knew what to do, until someone decided that it better be determined whether the object of their fascination was really dead or not. A man stepped out from the crowd and went to go poke Gooney, but as he approached, the dead body suddenly sprang to life, and quick as anything, jumped up and grabbed the man around his throat. “Where. Is. The. Man. Who. Disrupted. My. Routine?” he rasped. The man whimpered. “No answer? No worries, there's plenty of you, just like all the files I have to get back to once that man is DEAD,” and with a quick twist, Gooney snapped the man's neck, depositing him where Gooney himself had lay moments prior. “So who's next?” was his next reasonable request. The crowd did not think this quite as reasonable as he did though, and quickly fled screaming, most with their hands in the air, looking like a badly drawn terror crowd scene. “Where in the world did that interruption get off to?” Gooney screamed to the clouds, seething with frustration as it started to pour.
* * *
“Where in the world am I?” Luadon wondered as he wondered towards the end of the alley. At first, he had just tried to take as much of this wondrous place, so filled with things, so different from the clean and sterile villages he was used to. And so many people! He had never been one to get much into that “celebrate humanity” movement, which as far as he knew, basically everyone else was, so he hardly saw anyone. But as it began to rain, wonder turned into annoyance. “Why is it raining inside of city limits, is their weather control out of order?” he wondered aloud. “Well, we have another delusional one on our hands.” Luadon spun around to see one of the filthiest human beings he had ever laid eyes on. Which wasn't saying a whole lot as in his time, everyone was micro-cleaned and sterilized daily and hardly anyone went anywhere where the possibility of contamination was a threat. But even for the dirtiness of this time, this man was one of the dirtier ones. His clothes were torn, and he wore a ragged baseball cap pulled most of the way over his face. “The name's David, and you might want to put on some clothes and stop muttering to yourself if you don't want be locked up in the crazy house,” the man said, extending his hand in a friendly gesture. Luadon stood there staring at David's hand, wondering why he kept holding it there, what was the purpose of it all. Frustrated, David exclaimed, “Well, aren't ya gonna shake it?” “Wait, you mean... You want me to... to... grab your hand with mine... and shake it?” “Well of course, ain't you never shooken hands with noone before?” “Of course not!” Luadon cried. But then he thought about it, and figured offending the natives might not be the best thing to do at the moment. Maybe he hadn't quite understood the previous interaction he'd had either, but it hadn't seemed terribly friendly. So he begrudgingly extended his hand, an suffered through a whole handshake. “You know, you're a weird one you are, but there's something about you that I can't quite place. You're almost too weird, if ya know what I mean. Like ya don't belong here or sometin.” Luadon fell back against the wall and sank to the ground. “You don't know the half of it...” he started, before trailing off as he drifted off into a deep sleep. Now, I refuse to divulge any interference I definitely did not make, but when he awoke, he would find himself tightly wrapped up in all that extraneous cloth, and David with a quick summary of events, and instructions on what to do next. I had other places to be.
