-Wireless 2.5 mm cables

Third party ones may be done but companies won't do it since it gives more possibilities to cheat.

-Touchscreeen capabilities

Already done, see the HP Prime. All Casio Classpads had a touchscreen but the latest one is slow as hell and the other ones didn't have color, and I guess you want color since you are talking about "new" features.

-holsters to easily hold calculators

Not everybody always need a calc. Of course we do here () but other people would find useless to pay for that. Maybe some companies would sell that, but this will not be by default.
Also, I have large enough pockets.

-Calculator Defense Mechanism to defend against thieves (I had mine stolen so)

I don't see what you can do about it. Even using a password with zStart, one can still steal your calc, then see that a password is needed, he'll throw your calc away, not giving back to you apologizing.

-Sonic Screwdriver-like sensors

I didn't get this one.

One that's actually programmable (for the lack of a better term)?

One way I have to protect my calc from being stolen is I modified the certificate of my calc using unsigned to display my name    The best part is that it is virtually impossible to modify (sending new os or clearing archive doesn't work).  The only thing is that too bad is that it only allows me to prove it is mine not necessarily get it back.     Out of curiosity, what kind of calculator was stolen from you?

lol me too. 

i would steal a math textbook...

Something like the HP Prime, minus the many bugs and perhaps even less expensive (considering some tablets that are more powerful than the HP Prime are the same price or close). That said, maybe the HP Prime will eventually become THAT calc (other than the price). It already has a BASIC-like language that can produce games that rivals Z80 ASM and Nspire Lua speed so anyone who don't want to learn ASM nor C can still make fast games with hardcore graphics.