(Warning... this is a long rant.)
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Why the fuck is it that EVERY time my life is about to finally be perfect, someone or something fucks it up?
As some of you know, I was supposed to move out and live with Suki (my girlfriend) this summer.

Well, last night (at 3 fucking AM) she calls me... and 3 hours later... I'm lying in bed, wondering why I can't just die already. (after puking my intestines out)
Suki broke up with me again. In the end, she gave the reason of "I feel like I'd have a better chance at succeeding in life if I didn't have this."
Yet, upon asking her what things will be like after this, she replies with "I guess the same as usual."

Now, if NOTHING changes but the fact that I don't want to live anymore, and her maybe crying for a bit... then what's the problem? How am I holding her back from anything? I've supported her with anything and EVERYTHING she's done. Albeit, sometimes not immediately, but I supported her every time none-the-less.

I don't want to move on at all either. There's nothing better to go to. She's is honestly the most important thing in my life. She's the reason I give half a damn about my future. I only cared to succeed in anything in hopes of making her life better. I wanted nothing more than to be with her and for her to be happy. I guess I wanted too much... all I'm getting apparently is her happiness.

To make things worse... I have no way to deal with a loss like this. My friends don't care enough to give me more than 'That sucks dude.' and I don't even have anyone to give me a hug and tell me everything's going to be ok. I don't even have anything to take the situation off my mind. I'm stuck at home... with nothing to do but wonder why this has to happen to me and why my life has to suck. Meanwhile, as I type this, Suki is having fun at a party with her friends. If she needs support, she ALWAYS has it. She always has someone who cares. She even has a distraction. All I had was her.

Well, I still do have her... just not the way I had hoped and dreamed. All I can do is talk to her now. Well, not even now... I have to wait til after school tomorrow for any time at all. We're still madly in love... we remind each other constantly... even now, but apparently, that's just not enough.

It's funny... when I first came to Suki... she was a shell of what she is today. She even thanked me for making her make her life better. I never felt like she owed me either. She gave me my reason to live. I couldn't have asked for a better gift... I just wish she couldn't have taken that reason away so easily. My gift to her was permanent and she's to me... could come and go at her will.

I don't know what to do anymore. My life for over 2 years revolved around her. I've developed a physical dependency for her. She's been my reason for existing, trying, and caring. She's all I have... and I feel like I'm losing it permanently.

You know... I'm looking back at last summer. We had finally met. It was by far the happiest time of my life. Just her touching me made me feel better than anything I've ever felt. We hugged, kissed, and just plain showed each other physical love. It's something I had NEVER experienced in my life until then... I never wanted to leave and was only able to with a promise that we'd be together again. Now, I'm starting to feel like I'll never experience anything like that again. I'll never have someone hug me and hold on for the sake of pure, true love again. Well, at least, that's how I'm seeing it.

Hopefully, this break up is temporary... The possibility of such is the only reason I'm still alive now. I just wanted to be with her... and I was finally going to be... forever, but life's a bitch. Kicking me in the nuts repeatedly every time I experience joy is what I've come to expect up to now. I guess I was a fool to think things would change.

Still, I want things to be better again. I don't want to give up on life, just like I don't want to give up on her. I never will... until the day that I know I'll never have her back. When that day comes, you'll be sure to never hear from me again in any form. I, for my sake, hope that day never does come.
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Suki, don't think I hate you or think any less of you. Also, don't take what I've said as you seeming like a bad person. You're not. I love you more than anything and ALWAYS will... I'll stay available for when you come back to me. I'll be standing there with open arms. I'm sorry if this sounds selfish but... I just want to be happy and, for once, stay that way... but I'd sacrifice my happiness in less than a second if it'd make you happy. I guess that's all I truly care about... I was just always sure that you'd be happy WITH me. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself or anything because of this... I may WANT to... but I won't for you. Just keep in touch with me, okay? I don't want to lose you completely... it's the only thing that could kill me at this rate.

You're not even gone... and I miss you already.

Eh... I will once my artist has finished the GUI.
It's kinda (a whole freakin' lot) ugly right now.

Don't worry, hopefully she won't be busy today and it can get done today (or tomorrow... Saturday at the latest)

Ugh... I spent all day trying to get my game to connect to the server on MY computer... took until I had to go to bed before I realized that I accidentally destroyed the port the game was using currently. >_<

Anyway, no work done yesterday... and I have too much going on today.
Hopefully, I'll get stuff done tomorrow though.

Rawr... stupid me.

Haha, alright I'll try and do this in order:

• 2D as in top-down-ish. Think pokemon or the 2D final fantasies.
• Battle system will be hack'n'slash-ish, think Diablo here.
• Inventory is just a series of boxes. You can scroll over the item to see stats and double click on it to use it.
• I use VB6 for this.
• No external active X plugins.
• Beta MAY be earlier... doubt it though.
• Once I move... I should have it online 24/7. Save for random screw-ups on my end.
• All artwork is either default spritesheets (think RPGMXP) or done by my girlfriend. (Thanks for the compliment! She's an amazing artist and a pretty damn good spriter.)

I think I got everything.

Well... decided I'd share a project I had in the works last summer.
I randomly decided to pick it back up and have it set to my primary project.
It'll be worked on at home while Nyaar will be worked on at school.

Here's the original post from another forum:
(Note: This post was sometime during summer of '08. I've learned considerably more and, as a result, am doing way better off with no problems yet.)

I recently started playing with a MMORPG maker.
Sure, it's 2D.
Sure, the battle system sucks ass.
Sure, there are many other annoying problems with it.

BUT:
I started learn VB and have been reworking the source slowly all night.
I found I can fix ANY problem I have with it. I just have to learn more.
VB is hard enough to take weeks to learn... not to mention that any good game takes even MORE time.

Anyway, I'll have some previews of the game as I get features done.

Features:

• Custom sprites
• Custom GUI (graphical user interface)
• One base class, 3 class advancements, and 3 more class advancements for each of the first. (12 classes)
• Several skills for each class
• Free-roaming world with many fast travel implications
• Many quests and side quests
• Secret quests, items, class, and more!
• Most importantly... it's an MMO! (online game, we can all play together!)
• More features to be thought up at a later time.
  

If anyone has any ideas or anything else to contribute, post here!
You'll be given credit under any name you choose.

Name:
Eternity
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Story:
Pending... (mostly done)
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Maps: 
??%[===========] Pending...
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Server Status:
Offline
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Staff: 
Anarchy (coder, everything else)
Suki (pixel artist, mapper)
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Features:  (for beta)
33%[==========] Approx. 12 Classes
75%[==========] Alignment
00%[==========] Quests
50%[==========] Custom GUI
10%[==========] Custom NPC Sprites
10%[==========] Customizable Playable Sprites
00%[==========] Professions
00%[==========] More as I remember them...
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Screenshots:

(Only one available at the moment. More eventually.)

(P.S. Paint sucks. Need to get Photoshop again... Paint can't even save images at a decent quality.)

Not much into metal.
A few songs are good... but I'm a hardcore techno fan.
Other than that, I listen to some forms of rock.

Yeah, paper is amazing. Especially graphing paper.

I usually plan out a lot on paper. Mostly things like where to place boxes and text on the screen and anything to do with mapping.
Other than that, I try to wing it.

Believe it or not... PROGRESS!

I've picked this up again and, after realizing that random map generation was too annoying to mess with, decided on designing a world.
So, with the help of my friends, the world is coming along nicely.

It's still only being done on paper... but I'll get it to the calculator later.
Just letting you all know... that something is being done still.