4493: You are a true story. (True Story)

Hey! I fixed the bug with the circles turning themselves on!
v1.31 will be out soon!

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell.

Our house burned down,
It burned right up,
No one died,
But that's just luck.

All our stuff's ashes,
An unrecoverable, sodden mess
And none of our insurance will cover us
Because their lawyers are the best.

So we sit around with cocoa
That the firefighters brought,
And we salute each other with our refrain,
Newly hewn and wrought:

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell.

It's cold as balls outside,
But it never deigned to snow.
Just another "screw you"
From the Christmas Present Ghost.

The ambulance's battery died
And the backup hit a tree
But I guess that's what you get
With spiked eggnog at a coterie.

So now we all sit around,
Huddled up in a collective mess,
It's the worst day of our lives,
So we salute each other how we know best:

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell.

The wind is picking up now
And the sun is going down,
The Christmas Spirit has it in for us,
An' it won't stop with our frowns.

So finally the paramedics
Show up in a beat-up truck
That may once have passed for an ambulance,
But now it's just a "Fuck!"

And so we shiver around,
While they make room for us in the beds
We know this is supposed to be cheerful.
But we just repeat our refrain instead:

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell.

Sirens blare and flashers glare,
And the driver runs a red
And I guess he didn't see us
Because now he's dead.

Just walking in the crosswalk
He had right-of-way
But we are in an "ambulance"
Of that, make what you may.

And so we all lie in our beds,
Thoroughly jostled about,
And once again we raise our cheer
For this new-dead lout:

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell.

And so another ambulance
Comes to pick this one up
And we're wondering what misfortune
Will ruin all their luck.

Perhaps they get sideswiped
Perhaps they magically drown
But what we didn't expect
Was that they made it on down.

As we're moved about once more
We turn to our refrain
Now it's something we gather behind
From its strength we gain.

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell.

We make it to the hospital
Perhaps our luck's run out?
But no, we spoke too soon;
A wall of flames greets us, a veritable, roaring gout.

So the ambulance turns back around,
And heads for the next nearest ER
But not only is it miles away,
The gas tank won't take us that far

So as the drivers hunt for diesel,
We just look at each other and sigh;
It's about time for another chorus
One last time 'fore we die;

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell.

Somehow we make it there,
And we're unloaded from the truck.
Maybe, we'll be OK!
Oh, why'd I say that? FUCK!

Now we're stuck in line
Behind a tourbus, overturned.
Lots of car trouble today.
At least none of them got burned.

We don't even look at each other--
We know what to do.
We open our mouths to sing:
One! Two!

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell.

So now we're being treated;
Skin grafts for all!
There's not a time set for release,
But that's ok, we've had our Fall.

It's a long climb up ahead,
A struggle, back up top,
But it's gonna be worth it,
Laughing at all those fops.

It's nowhere near that time any more,
But we keep the words the same.
One last time for everyone;
Here goes our refrain!

Have a Merry Fucking Christmas.
We can't sing too well,
But have a merry fucking Christmas,
'Cause we've all been through Hell!

4472: You blame Sorunome when OmnomIRC isn't screwed up.

A sign(foo) command that returns -1 if foo is less than 0, 1 if greater, and 0 if equal. And perhaps sign(foo,bar), which would compare it to bar instead of 0. And while I'm on the topic, perhaps sign()^r could be the 8bit version?
Also, I know it'd have to be named something other than sign(), because there's already a sign{}, but I don't know what to call it.

4350: You put a calc emulator on your 3DS

*Listens to the admin*

But who's going to eat all this ?