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Miscellaneous / My Senior's Reflective Essay
« on: January 08, 2006, 06:04:00 pm »
Note: I wrote this to try and see what reaction I could get, there is some...not so nice pollitical stuff near the end of it so be forwarned if you are easily offended (I put a warning in there)
_________________________________________________________________
As I have been in this high school, I have changed in the years I served. In a place as cruel and miserable as high school, it would be quite difficult not to change. While the changes were inumerous, those most notable are in my personality, my skills and strengths, and my outlook on the future.
In my freshman years, I was a very argumentative, instigative, heavily depressed and quite attention seeking. Now however, while I may be argumentative, but I have learned that started fights is a good way to be injured or get in ISS. As a freshman and sophomore, I suffered from a bad bout of depression. While school had little to do with me getting better, I have to wonder whether I would have ever developed the psychological condition had I not been in the highly stressful school environment I was in. Always looking for attention as a freshman or sophomore, I tried to act out to be different and be noticed. However, school has taught me the price for such is dear and that no matter how much attention you get, you are still a worthless and pointless being with no social significance or notable talents, and that in all likely hood you will die and only a small smattering of the population will care. Even if you become famous, in all likely hood your death will be cared about by less than a tenth of the population, and you will still be the same kind of food stuff for worms and flies and decayed into the same basic elements as everyone else.
As a freshman, I was a pathetic and worthless in terms of skill in art, programming, and poetry were poor if not abhorrently deplorable. However, as a senior my artistic skill is growing at a visible scale. In fact, a work from my freshman year looks so foreign to my works now, I doubt any would guess they were by the same person, and surely the same will be true some short time from now as I continue to grow as an artist. As a freshman, I had no concept of programming knowledge. It wasn't till I was a sophomore that I could simplistically manipulate Boolean variable logic or use list and matrice type arrays. Comparitivly, now I understand switch statements and how to push a register into the stack, and how to string execution to create self modifying code of sorts, and I have no doubt that in the future, I will understand raycasting and vector shading. Finally, my early freshmen poetry was full of jargons and simplistic recurrences, simplistic metaphors and a lack of intelligent writing. Now, however, I have learned to use sound devices and stylizing as well as a far more colorful palette of words to make my verses with.
****POLITICAL****
Finally, the future was a lot more permanent seeming as a freshman. Why, with Clinton in office and a sure win for Gore, everything was so bright. Even when the governor of Florida began trying to cheat his retched and vile brother into office, I was sure the Supreme Court would investigate all of the obvious cases of voting fraud. Then, he was installed into office and the world would be perpetually doomed by his presence. As a freshman, suffering under the first term of the Bush administration, I was far from optimistic about the world. Planes crashed into buildings and it seemed like we were at war, and then we attacked a random oil owning country in no way responsible for the attacks. I thought the world was going to crash and burn under the weight of the moronic and republican. However, as I saw a second election come and go...and a war on Muslims start, I realized the world will and always has had idiot leaders, and that every ten or so years the parties will switch. The country's dire state last only as long as the conservative power trip, and in the worst of scenarios I could always move to Europe where torture IS illegal and religious zealots have little power. I found that the world will change for the bad as well as the good...but there is nothing to fear in that fact.
****/POLITICAL****
So while I have served four agonizing and relentlessly painful years in the high school, it has had a profound affect on how I am. Like the saying says, "Misery builds character." Indeed, my character has been built, and surely a life of suffering and further pain will augment and expand me through adversity.
------------------------------------------
well, what do you think of it?
_________________________________________________________________
As I have been in this high school, I have changed in the years I served. In a place as cruel and miserable as high school, it would be quite difficult not to change. While the changes were inumerous, those most notable are in my personality, my skills and strengths, and my outlook on the future.
In my freshman years, I was a very argumentative, instigative, heavily depressed and quite attention seeking. Now however, while I may be argumentative, but I have learned that started fights is a good way to be injured or get in ISS. As a freshman and sophomore, I suffered from a bad bout of depression. While school had little to do with me getting better, I have to wonder whether I would have ever developed the psychological condition had I not been in the highly stressful school environment I was in. Always looking for attention as a freshman or sophomore, I tried to act out to be different and be noticed. However, school has taught me the price for such is dear and that no matter how much attention you get, you are still a worthless and pointless being with no social significance or notable talents, and that in all likely hood you will die and only a small smattering of the population will care. Even if you become famous, in all likely hood your death will be cared about by less than a tenth of the population, and you will still be the same kind of food stuff for worms and flies and decayed into the same basic elements as everyone else.
As a freshman, I was a pathetic and worthless in terms of skill in art, programming, and poetry were poor if not abhorrently deplorable. However, as a senior my artistic skill is growing at a visible scale. In fact, a work from my freshman year looks so foreign to my works now, I doubt any would guess they were by the same person, and surely the same will be true some short time from now as I continue to grow as an artist. As a freshman, I had no concept of programming knowledge. It wasn't till I was a sophomore that I could simplistically manipulate Boolean variable logic or use list and matrice type arrays. Comparitivly, now I understand switch statements and how to push a register into the stack, and how to string execution to create self modifying code of sorts, and I have no doubt that in the future, I will understand raycasting and vector shading. Finally, my early freshmen poetry was full of jargons and simplistic recurrences, simplistic metaphors and a lack of intelligent writing. Now, however, I have learned to use sound devices and stylizing as well as a far more colorful palette of words to make my verses with.
****POLITICAL****
Finally, the future was a lot more permanent seeming as a freshman. Why, with Clinton in office and a sure win for Gore, everything was so bright. Even when the governor of Florida began trying to cheat his retched and vile brother into office, I was sure the Supreme Court would investigate all of the obvious cases of voting fraud. Then, he was installed into office and the world would be perpetually doomed by his presence. As a freshman, suffering under the first term of the Bush administration, I was far from optimistic about the world. Planes crashed into buildings and it seemed like we were at war, and then we attacked a random oil owning country in no way responsible for the attacks. I thought the world was going to crash and burn under the weight of the moronic and republican. However, as I saw a second election come and go...and a war on Muslims start, I realized the world will and always has had idiot leaders, and that every ten or so years the parties will switch. The country's dire state last only as long as the conservative power trip, and in the worst of scenarios I could always move to Europe where torture IS illegal and religious zealots have little power. I found that the world will change for the bad as well as the good...but there is nothing to fear in that fact.
****/POLITICAL****
So while I have served four agonizing and relentlessly painful years in the high school, it has had a profound affect on how I am. Like the saying says, "Misery builds character." Indeed, my character has been built, and surely a life of suffering and further pain will augment and expand me through adversity.
------------------------------------------
well, what do you think of it?